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It's one thing to fight for a man who loves you but you shouldn't fight for a man to love you. Now, remember that quote because I’m going to break it down and help you understand the difference between those two things.
But the reality is that many women might be dealing with a man who is not showing you the attention that you desire.This can happen in the dating phase, this can happen as his girlfriend, and this can happen as his wife.
No matter which category you're in, you definitely need to pay attention to this. I need you to understand that I do not want you trying to fight a man for his attention.
I do not want you trying to beg a man for his attention, but you need to also understand the pitfalls involved in this whole dynamic and what's the better way to approach all of this.
1. Fighting for his attention against another woman.
It's very easy for a lot of women to get caught up in the competition mindset. So what I see is women fighting for this man and fighting for his attention not out of love but out of she refuses to lose to a woman.
Having the mindset of:
- “I will not allow her to have the upper hand.”
- “I will not allow her to be able to look at me like she took something from me.”
Sometimes it can escalate because as a woman you know how to provoke another woman. This will turn out into kind of a personal battle when reality the only person who was truly doing wrong here is the man.
But this other woman, she owes you nothing as far as whatever she was doing with this guy. But when she does interject and throw shade your way, that makes it even more likely for you to get caught up in the battle of you and her.
Being so lost in this battle causes so many women to either try to fight for this man's attention to where they are overcompensating and allowing him to get away with a conflict he has made because the objective isn't his respect, it's his attention.
You can have a man's attention and not have this respect. But you might not initially see that because you're just focused on making the other woman know what your man is giving you or just winning fight in general.
You're fighting so bad for this man. So, not only are you giving him a free pass on nonsense, you're losing sight of the real issue. You're probably missing the fact that he isn't worth your time to begin with.
2. You need to talk to him.
It's important because I know some of you might be saying well, “I have talked to this joker a bunch of times. I've expressed how I feel and he's not listening, he's not changing anything."
First ask yourself did you express yourself to him in a calm and loving manner?
You should properly express yourself because remember the responsibility is on both the messenger and the receiver of the message.
You have to be in the right mindset to communicate properly, to listen properly and all these different things. If you have not done that, then you have to say it again.
Expressing yourself in a fit of rage or lashing out in a moment of negative attitude makes it very likely that he did not receive your words. He may have heard the audible sound, but it went in one ear out the other.
Or maybe he took it in but he immediately got defensive because our human nature is to defend when we feel attacked.
There have been times where you knew you were dead wrong doing something, but because of the way someone came at you, you still defended yourself to the death... aActing like they're the problem because you didn't like the way they were talking to you.
So, we have to be mindful of how we come at the individual.
When there is an issue of attention or a lack of attention in your relationship again, don't be confused and remember this quote from me:
“You don't have to beg him because the right man will know what you need and deserve.”
3. Make sure you're showing him attention.
One of the misguided approaches that a lot of people take is this idea of ”okay well, they're not showing me my attention right now so I’m going to ignore them too.”
I say this is misguided because yes, it can trigger people to then wake up and now give you some attention.
It’s possible but it's reactionary at the moment, and what you're going to find yourself in is this situation where you may constantly have to do it with this negative approach of pulling back.
But what you're overlooking and what many who give this advice are not explaining is that when you use negative things to try to get a positive result you're planting negative seeds in the relationship.
Now you pull away from him and let's just say his lack of attention in that time was genuine mistake, him getting caught up in life, maybe him not understanding the depth of your needs.
The actual better approach and more effective is if you're not getting the attention, give the attention. Because if you pour attention into him, we've eliminated the bad seeds being planted.
If he's a guy trying to use you, you giving him more attention will not inspire him to pour back into you because he's just looking to take advantage, he's looking to use you.
The man who's genuinely serious about you and the relationship will pour back into you once he's snapped back into it. You just have to remember that there may be a valid reason as to why his attention is lacking in the moment.
Doing good things in your relationship will allow you to either pull out the good in your partner or expose the bad without you planting negativity into the situation.
The list continues on in my Never Fight For His Attention, Do This Instead Youtube video. Check it out to and let me know if you have experiences and done these things before.
P.S. Learn more of how to connect and have effective communication with your man by getting a copy of my book How to Get a Man to Cherish You. This one is a best seller and has helped married and single women! It's got something for everyone, no matter what stage of your relationship.